


the beautiful boy

by midnitetruce



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Connor is an artist, Connor is instantly smitten with Evan you can't change my mind, Connor is trying, Evan and Zoe take a biology class together, M/M, meet cute, my boys deserve happiness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:42:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25526125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnitetruce/pseuds/midnitetruce
Summary: Connor took the time to observe the way the boy’s curly blonde hair sat neatly on top of his head, how there was a smattering of freckles across his nose and cheeks which lead to a soft jawline and a gorgeous neck.He really was the most beautiful boy Connor had ever laid eyes on.
Relationships: Evan Hansen & Zoe Murphy, Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy
Comments: 11
Kudos: 133





	the beautiful boy

**Author's Note:**

> me? procrastinate writing by doing some more writing? never.
> 
> i've got a whole bunch of prompts I wanna write but who knows when I'll actually get around to doing them because my second semester of uni starts tomorrow and i am very easily unmotivated by pretty much everything in life. but oh well!!! in the mean time enjoy this... thing i created. also i'm bad at titling my works so i apologise...
> 
> enjoy!

To say that Connor was surprised when Zoe approached him one evening and told him she had a friend coming over the next day would be an understatement.

Not that Zoe didn’t have friends, she had plenty.

Connor could vividly remember in 4th grade when Shania Pierce came for a sleepover, and the three of them had sat for hours on Connor’s bedroom floor while he played with and braided their hair. The two seven year olds had looked at him in unadulterated awe as he quickly and expertly weaved their hair and finished it off with some purple bows.

Two weeks later, there was a broken vase, a dented door, and Shania was no longer allowed at the Murphy residence.

It had happened again in the 6th grade, when Rachel Johnson was visiting. And again the next year with Rylee Yang and Chenai Wright. Eventually, Zoe stopped bringing her friends around, and instead opted to spend almost every waking minute  _ not _ inside the Murphy household. Connor could hardly blame her. Most nights he escaped to his room. Or, when he and Larry had a particularly rowdy fight and his door was removed, Connor sat on the roof. The energy inside the house was  _ suffocating _ and sometimes he just needed to be able to breathe without Larry staring down his neck, or Cynthia blabbering at his door. 

Or Zoe ignoring him from across the dining room table.

They used to talk every single day. Zoe had been his best friend until she turned 10 and finally realised why the other kids at school either avoided him like the plague or picked on him until he broke.

Now, she couldn’t look him in the eye. And for good reason. Connor couldn’t blame her for wanting to stay as far away from the destructive black cloud that followed him around wherever he went. Any time anyone so much as smiled at him, the cloud would hiss and engulf him in a haze. When the haze cleared there was always someone who was hurt.

“Connor! Are you even listening?” Zoe huffed, bringing Connor back to the present. She stood at his door with her arms wrapped protectively around her chest, trying to act like it didn’t make her uncomfortable even being in his presence. He simply raised an eyebrow at her.

“I said that I have a friend coming over tomorrow to work on a biology project. Mom and dad are going to be out at a function so if you could keep away from us and try not to throw anything that would be great.” Connor snorted and flipped her off.

“You’re a dick. I’ll leave you alone if you buy my lunch for the rest of the week.” Because Connor Murphy was incapable of doing something nice for his sister without payment, apparently. 

“Fuck off, Connor, I’m serious about this. The only reason I’m even talking to you about this is because he has an anxiety disorder. I don’t want him having a fucking panic attack on my bedroom floor because you decide to scream at my door that you want to kill me.” That made Connor flinch. Of fucking course she would bring that up. All she focused on was his bad days (to be fair there were many), and not that he was  _ trying _ to be better.

“Yeah whatever, Zoe. Stay out of my way and there won’t be any issues.” He curled further into his chair, head resting on his knees as he smudged the graphite with his thumb. Zoe stood at his door for several more seconds, seemingly expecting him to scream or smash something.

When he simply continued to stare at the paper on his desk, making a few corrective lines and smudges, she huffed and walked away, not hesitating to slam the door as she went. He jumped at the loud noise, and suddenly there was a large obnoxious line through his drawing. Connor swore loudly before crumpling the paper in his hands and throwing it as hard as he could at the trash can. It knocked the can over, causing dozens of crumpled paper balls to fall out onto the ground, merging with the ever-growing mess that was his bedroom floor.

“Fuck you!” He yelled, knowing that Zoe would hear him. He threw himself onto the bed, not bothering to turn the light off or get changed. He wouldn’t be able to sleep anyway, and it wasn’t like he had any clean clothes.

* * *

The fourth time the doorbell rang, Connor almost screamed. Who the fuck was so desperate to get inside his house that they would ring the doorbell for a solid 3 minutes? And why hadn’t Zoe answered the door yet?

The door rang again, and Connor threw the covers off of him before storming out of his room. He did his best to not look in the mirror across from his door as he exited, because then he would have a pit in his stomach for days. Running down the stairs as fast as he could, he almost saw red when the doorbell rang for the sixth time. Was this person fucking dense? The noise wasn’t going to make him come quicker, it would only make him more angry.

Connor finally reached the front door and wrenched it open, ready to scream at whoever was standing there.

His mouth stayed open as he stared wide-eyed at the most beautiful boy he had ever seen.

The anger inside him dissipated slightly, but not enough for him to stop the hot words flowing from his mouth.

“What the fuck do you want?” The boy flinched at his sharp tone and immediately looked at his feet, hands grasping desperately at the hem of his shirt.

“I-I-I’m s-s-s-sorry… um, I-I’m here t-t-to see, uh, Z-Z-Zoe?” He stuttered so intensely through the simple sentence that Connor started to feel bad for him. He took a deep breath and pushed the anger down.

“Right. Yeah. Come in I guess.” Connor moved to the side to allow the boy to come in. He stood still for a few seconds before tentatively taking a few steps inside. Connor slammed the door accidentally behind him and muttered a small  _ sorry _ when the beautiful boy almost jumped out of his skin.

“U-uh, I… I don’t k-k-know what y-you, um… Should I t-t-t-take my shoes off?” The boy's eyes darted around as if he was desperately looking for a safe place to look. Connor just shrugged.

“I don’t know. Do whatever you want.” This just seemed to make the boy even more anxious, and Connor could practically see the sweat dripping off his forehead as he fiddled with his shirt. Suddenly, and inexplicably, Connor felt a weird sensation in his chest. He actually felt…  _ bad _ , for making this kid visibly anxious. A small sigh escaped his mouth.

“Sorry uh, you don’t have to take your shoes off or whatever. Cynth- I mean, mom isn’t home and she’s the only one who would even maybe care so…” Connor shoved his hands in his pockets and felt his shoulders hunch up to his ears. Talking to someone without screaming at them wasn’t something he had really gotten used to yet.

“Right. Okay. Cool. Well, uh… sorry it’s um… I don’t want to- do you know where Zoe is? I’m sorry it’s j-j-just that we don’t have much um… there’s… we only have limited time to do this assignment so…” The boy's voice got very quiet as he trailed off the sentence. Connor nodded and turned to walk to the kitchen.

“Yeah just come on in. I don’t know where Zoe is. Why she didn’t hear the doorbell ringing six times is beyond me.” He let out a small laugh to show that he was making a joke, but the boy started stuttering and seemed to hunch in on himself more.

“I’m really s-s-sorry about that. I didn’t even know what I was doing I was just so lost in my own thoughts. Which happens w-way more than it should so…” He seemed increasingly nervous, which made sense. No one ever felt safe around Connor.

“It’s okay I guess. You just woke me up is all.” Connor stood behind the kitchen bench awkwardly, letting his unbrushed, messy hair fall over his eyes.

“Y-you um, you were still sleeping at 1pm?” The boy questioned, a note of concern in his voice. Connor looked up from his shoes in surprise, making eye contact with the boy across the room. He didn’t really know what to say, so the pair just stared at each other for several long beats. Connor took the time to observe the way the boy’s curly blonde hair sat neatly on top of his head, how there was a smattering of freckles across his nose and cheeks which lead to a soft jawline and a gorgeous neck.

He really was the most beautiful boy Connor had ever laid eyes on.

_ Stop it with the gay thoughts, Connor _ .

The boy seemed to take his silence as a bad sign, and started stuttering again.

“I mean, I’m sorry. It’s not really any of my business. I shouldn’t have asked. I’m sorry I probably made you uncomfortable, I really didn’t mean to, I’ll just…” The boy turned to leave the kitchen and Connor’s heart leapt.

“No!” The word fell from his mouth in a sharp yell before he could stop it, and the boy turned around in confusion.

“I mean… It’s fine. I’m not upset, I was just… caught off guard.” Connor shrugged, trying his absolute hardest not to come off as standoffish, hunching in on himself and looking at his feet again. God he was hopeless. 

“I guess it’s just… I mean, my antidepressants make me really sleepy so…” He scratched the back of his neck, regretting the statement as soon as it came out. Now the beautiful boy would know he was a freak and wouldn’t want anything to do with him. Fucking awesome.

“Oh.” The words seemed to catch the boy off guard and Connor’s shoulders practically reached his ears. He turned to leave but the boy spoke up again.

“I get it, my meds make me crash sometimes too…” Connor whipped his head up in surprise, meeting the understanding bright blue eyes standing across from him. Right, Zoe had mentioned the anxiety disorder last night. Stupid.

Surprisingly, he found himself smiling slightly at the boy, who immediately turned bright red and dropped his gaze to the ground, fiddling intensely with his shirt. Connor couldn’t help but continue to stare, eyes drinking up the boy’s figure hungrily. It had been a long time since Connor was so instantly attracted to someone. In fact, he couldn’t remember if he had  _ ever _ been this instantly attracted to someone. But not the kind of primal lust that fills your stomach when you haven’t had sex in 6 months, it was more of a warm buzz which could only be calmed by Connor taking the boy in his arms and never letting go.

“Connor! Oh my god I gave you one instruction!” Zoe stormed into the kitchen, hair dripping and fists clenched. Connor instantly took several steps back, putting as much distance as he could between the two of him. He crossed his arms and folded in on himself.

“I literally only asked for one thing and you couldn’t do it!” Connor felt the hot anger coil in his chest.

“Fuck off, Zoe. I just let him in when you didn’t answer the door.” He fixed her with a glare which she returned before turning to the boy who stood awkwardly next to Zoe, eyes darting between the pair.

“Evan, are you okay? Connor didn’t push you did he?” The boy -  _ Evan, god was it possible to be attracted to a name? _ \- stared at Zoe with clear confusion.

“I- yeah, of c-c-course. Why wouldn’t I be?” Zoe raised an eyebrow in disbelief.

“Are you sure? You can tell me if he did.” Evan’s confusion turned into a frown.

“I’m sure, Zoe. What do you mean? Connor’s been nothing but kind to me.” Connor looked up and realised that Evan was looking at him. Their eyes met, and Connor let a small thankful smile grace his face for a moment before dropping it. Zoe just looked between the pair in confusion.

“Evan you can go up to my room if you like, first door on the right at the top of the stairs.” Evan opened his mouth to respond, but in the end decided not to and trudged upstairs, but not before risking a glance back at Connor, who was looking at Zoe in confusion.

Once Evan was out of sight and there was a soft click of a door being closed, Zoe whipped around to face Connor.

“What are you doing. Why are you being so nice to Evan?” She asked accusingly, pointing a finger at him. He just scoffed.

“Amazingly, I’m capable of holding normal, pleasant conversations with people. Shock horror, I know.” He drawled sarcastically.

“I don’t believe you. What do you want with him?” She almost shouted, taking a step closer to Connor. “Evan is the nicest person on this entire planet and I am  _ not _ letting you…. You, TAINT him.” She poked an accusatory finger at his chest. Anger flashed across his vision, and he shoved her back.

“Fuck. OFF! Not everything I do has to have bad intentions, Zoe. Maybe I’m trying to not yell at anyone who even looks my way! Maybe, just maybe, I’m fucking  _ trying _ because I don’t want everyone to be scared of me anymore! Have you considered that?” He just  _ knew _ that there was obvious hurt in his eyes when Zoe’s anger shifted into sadness. There was a deafening silence that made the anger wane from Connor and it was replaced with uncomfortableness and tiredness. Talking, or rather yelling, his emotions at people was draining. 

“But why Evan?” Zoe was quiet this time. Connor blanched.

“Uh, well. I don’t know. Just… one step at a time and I suppose he looked nice? yeah…” He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.

“Oh my god. Do you have a crush on Evan?” Zoe’s voice was no longer annoyed, but instead shocked. Connor took a step back and made to leave. There was no way he was having this conversation with his sister right now.

“You  _ do _ , don’t you?” 

“Shut up, Zoe.” He pulled the fridge open aggressively and grabbed a packet of organic blueberries. He shoved several in his mouth and pushed past Zoe to go up the stairs.

“Don’t screw it up.” Connor stopped in confusion, turning to face his sister, mouth full of blueberries.

“Evan’s really special to me. If you screw it up I’ll never look at you again.” Connor scoffed.

“Not like you look at me now anyway.” He mumbled.

“Connor!”

“Yeah yeah. Whatever. There won’t be anything to screw up because I’m a ticking timebomb just waiting to explode and I’m not gonna pull Evan into this mess. So you don’t have anything to worry about.” He turned and ran up the stairs, not daring to look at Zoe’s door, and purposely slamming his own behind him.

* * *

Someone cleared their throat at his door, and Connor halted the movement of his pencil to look at whoever was disturbing him. Evan stood awkwardly in the doorway and Connor froze, instinctively moving a hand over the paper so Evan wouldn’t be able to see the drawing. He absolutely  _ hated  _ people seeing his artwork.

“Yeah?” He muttered, closing the book and clutching it to his chest, before bringing his knees up and resting his chin on them.

“Um, I- uh. I was just… well I thought maybe that… no this is stupid, I’m sorry I’ll just go.” Evan turned but Connor shot up and suddenly he had a hand on Evan’s arm. Evan froze, looking up at Connor with his big blue eyes. Connor felt his heart race and he quickly let go of the other boys arm.

“Sorry, um. What were you trying to say?” Evan rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly and laughed slightly.

“No really, it’s stupid. Zoe just said something and I… but she was probably just playing with me.” Connor’s blood ran cold. If she had mentioned the stupid fucking crush…

“What did she say?” He prompted, making sure to keep his voice calm and friendly.

“Um, she just mentioned something about… that you thought I was cute? Or whatever. I mean now that I really think about it there's no way you actually think that so I don’t know why I believed her. I’m really sorry for bugging you I’ll just leave you alone now.”

“She’s not wrong.” Evan froze, and Connor almost hit himself. God he had definitely read this situation wrong. There was no way that Evan thought he was even attractive in the slightest. He wasn’t the kind of person that had beautiful boys who found him good-looking.

“What?” Evan blanched, facing Connor full on and suddenly he realised how stupidly close they were. There were only a few inches between them. Evan was quite short, he realised. It was cute. Everything about Evan was cute though.

“Connor?” Evan whispered, breaking through Connor’s reverie.

“I said she’s not wrong. I think you’re beautiful, actually.” He couldn’t believe he was actually saying this to a beautiful boy who he had barely said a few sentences to. Evan stared up at him in disbelief.

“R-r-really? You’re not messing with me are you? Because… because if you are…. That would be… really mean.” Evan frowned up at Connor.

“I’m being serious.” Connor made sure his voice was stern, and without thinking he reached out his hand and brushed his fingers against Evans. He felt his heart jump when Evan instantly curled his fingers around Connors. Both of the boys went red, but neither let go of the other. There was a comfortable silence as both of them stared at each other.

“Can I… can I have your number?” Connor asked hesitantly, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly with his free hand. Evan stared up at him in awe.

“But, you don’t have to. It’s cool, or whatever.” He pulled his hand back from Evan’s and folded his arms over his chest, feeling a wave of anxiety roll over. He was being stupid, there was no way in hell that this beautiful boy would want anything to do with him.

“No! I mean, yes. I mean, I do… want your number that is. Only if you want to give it to me though.” Connor found himself smiling, and he pulled his phone from his back pocket, unlocking it with his finger and handing it to Evan, who quickly typed in his number and saved it under his name. When he handed it back, the tips of their fingers brushed and both boys smiled stupidly at each other.

“Right, well. I actually kind of need to be heading home, because my mom’s supposed to be having dinner with me, yeah.” Connor nodded, taking a few steps back from Evan. For a second, he almost thought he saw a flash of disappointment across the other boy's face.

“Text me?” He suggested, feeling warm when Evan nodded enthusiastically.

Once the other boy had left his room, Connor sat on his bed again and reopened the sketch book, letting his eyes roam over the rough sketch of Evan’s face he had mocked up in the few hours Evan had been in Zoe’s room. It was nowhere near finished, he was yet to truly capture Evan’s beauty.

He lifted his pencil and began to draw again.


End file.
